Sunday, 2 April 2017

finishing college and starting fresh


I've been so distant here on my blog recently, I never thought my health would take over everything in the way it has but unfortunately these things happen in life and I feel like it's time to talk about it.

I've always spent my life worrying about the little things in life, over-thinking every situation possible which of course isn't the way forward. I had a shitty childhood, something that's only really started to affect me now I'm getting older and mature, and it brings back a lot of memories that you tried so hard to forget about. 

I spent my school and college years absolutely hating life and everyone. I didn't fit in at all no matter who I hung round with. I always felt very isolated and distant from society, which is why I decided to start up this blog of mine and express myself as an individual. I hated the fact that popularity was a thing and that you had to look good just to fit in with the crowd. That wasn't me. I hated others singling out everyone else, judging them on the most pathetic of reasons there was, I love everyone and will always respect everyone for who they are and the choices in which they make in life. 

I decided by this point in time that I'm such an independent person and will forever love being just that. I love the idea of being able to make your own decisions in life and not having to worry about anyone else judging your every move. I love being on my own, not in the single-forever or screw-family kind of way, I just love being able to make the decisions in my life on my own and judge my own opinions and decisions. 

The last several months of my life have been such a struggle. I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm okay because truth be told, I'm not. My life went from a strong 10/10, to a 2/10 in the space of seven months, and as much as I loved starting college and doing something I enjoy, a lot of other things happened in my life that changed me as a person. 

I got put on tablets for depression and anxiety. It took me several months to pluck up the courage and finally talk about my feelings to someone and get help. I spent my first year in college absolutely hating myself but putting on this brave face for everyone so I didn't come across as "moody" as you get called that a lot with depression. 

I'm not one to express my feelings to anyone, I keep them locked inside and then bottle them up. I cannot stress enough how much talking about it helped me. It was as if there had been this huge brick on my shoulder that had fallen and smashed, it was like a relief. It didn't make the problem go away but it made me realise that there are people to turn to if you need them, and that it's okay to not be okay.

Feeling the way in which I do, I've decided that after I've finished this year in beauty therapy, I'm going to quite college for good. I've decided that it's time to get better and improve myself and get ready for my future. It's been my absolute goal ever since I was 12 to be a blogger and vlogger and I'll continue to work extra hard to have the opportunity to do so. I've had people doubt me in the past, tell me that blogging isn't a proper job and it'll get you no where in life but this is my dream, nothing and no one can get in the way of that. 

When I started my blog, I had no idea how much it would change my lifestyle. I've been sent products by brands I could have never dreamed of, and it's such an amazing feeling. To know that hard work and determination can get you to where you want to be if you put your absolute all into it. I've also met some of the most amazing blogging friends online who are adorable and the kindest people going. I've learnt more life advice from one blog post than I have in general. I love the blogging community so much.

I want to make small changes in my life, and make the most of my time off. I've signed myself up to the gym and I'm looking forward to starting, I've put it off for three years now but it's time to start and make physical changes to myself. I also want to learn more at home and learn to be independent and do adult things such as the washing, the ironing and all of the grown up things teenagers cringe at now. I also want to spent more time with my grandparents at home, I've lived with them for 11 years now and I'm getting older as are they. I'll be looking to move out soon and I want to spend as much time as I can with them, to say thank you for everything in which they have done for me, and for them to also spend more time with me. 

I know that it's not going to get better today, but it's better than yesterday and we always have tomorrow to look forward to. I've started to live in the moment, not think about the past but look forward to the future. You'll only get knocked back ten times harder if you keep looking back, that's why I've decided to take a break and focus on where I want to be and how I'm going to get there. It'll take time but it's honestly so worth it in the end.

I'm going to be doing an advice chapter on my blog soon, I love helping others and giving them advice, so feel free to email me whenever if you need advice of somewhat. We're all in this together, and I'm hoping that this little blog of mine can somewhat help you in any way.

Thanks so much,

Kay x

4 comments

  1. I'm always here thick and thin 💖👭

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. so much love for you, thankyou for everything 💖💖

      Delete
  2. Hoping things get better for you soon! Do spend as much time as you can with your grandparents. It's so important. I recently lost my mom. Every memory is so precious.
    xoxo
    Serein
    http://sereinwu.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankyou so much for reading! I hope everything gets better for you, feel free to email me whenever you need to.

      Kay x

      Delete

© Kayleigh Williams. Design by Fearne.